Breaking Point

I’ve had several people tell me lately how strong I am.  Those that know me well, know that things aren’t always as they appear.  I’m not near as strong as a lot of people think.  

I’m reminded of the first words of, Just A Closer Walk With Thee.  “I Am Weak But Thou Art Strong…”.   I went through a period where all I knew to do was to draw my strength from Him, because I didn’t have any on my own.  I recently watched a Focus on the Family video where the contributor said that sometimes we as Christians think that people are far from Christ in their weakest moments, but for a Christian that is often when they are the closest because drawing close to Him is the only way they are surviving.  

Several months ago, I reached my breaking point. There were many things that contributed to it. Some were: Almost losing my Mom who lives hours away and driving many miles to watch and wait for her recovery process, waiting on Rusty’s MD Anderson appointment and hoping he would get good results, watching someone I love struggle with bad decisions, watching a friend go down in health at a rapid pace, and watching someone else in an extremely anxious state and wanting to help them, but wondering if I had contributed to it in the first place. All while secretly wishing that I could vent my fears and frustrations but thinking that I had to keep mine all bottled inside.  

Notice anything recurring?  Watching and Waiting. I had no control over any of these things going on around me.  I am a fixer by nature.  Bring me a problem, I’ll do everything I can to fix it.  After all, we are called to bear one another’s burdens, Galatians 6.  But these were things that I couldn’t fix and I felt HELPLESS.  Watching someone you love hurt and not being able to help them is one of the worse feelings ever.  

Many people confuse helplessness with hopelessness. Feeling hopeless is when we feel like nothing can be done to help a situation. I didn’t feel that way.   As Christians, we know that GOD always has the ability to do something to help.  For nothing will be impossible with God.  - Luke 1:37   Feeling helpless is when we feel like there is nothing that WE can do to help a situation.  Although the two are different, the answer is still the same…. GOD. This is where I struggle sometimes because it takes admitting that a problem is bigger than I can handle and actively handing it over to Him in an act of humility.  Cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you.  - 1 Peter 5:7

Thankfully, my breaking point and realization of this came before I faced my strongest feeling of helplessness. For three weeks I watched my Dad suffer in the hospital before he passed away.  I still struggled with it greatly, but not to the point of breaking me.  As difficult as it was to watch and as many tears as I shed over the situation, I knew that I had to hand it over to God.  I knew that I had no control and that He was allowing it to go the way it did for His purpose.  That is what gives me peace, even when I don’t understand it.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  

- Philippians 4:7

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